Sixth?

I love this pictures of me. :)
Thanks to Abby who took like a million till I got one I liked.

But what I love more is the new edition on my nose. :p

Call me weird but piercing makes me happy.

You guys like it?

Just Know That Where Ever You Are, Yeah, I Miss You.

Confusion, lost, worry, all come creeping back towards my heart. Those hiding thought want to come back, those suppressed emotion want to scream out. My head spins. Where to go? Fight the demons or just pretend they will go away. It's getting harder to breathe, to remember I'll be okay without you. Because without you my world falls apart. Without you I find everything harder to do. But I can't turn back the clocks, I can't make you love me again. That's what hurts.

Spinning around, losing control. With a sniffle and a wipe on my sleeve I remember. I remember that he is still in my life. I wrap his hoodie as close as I can. Closing my eyes and he is right next to me. Head on his shoulder and with his silence reminds why I'm here, who I am, and that I'll always be loved. My chest loosens and I'm breathing. Holding my hand so tight that nothing could ever take it away. "You're fine, you always will be. I promise I'll never leave you."

You took my breathe away with you but he is able to give it back to me.

So Don't Worry They Tell Me Hell's An Okay Place To Be.

I never realized how much of a loner I have become...well loner isn't the right word. I enjoy being alone a lot more than I used to. I love being around people but I find such peace in being alone. In Chemistry, Mr. White asked how many people would enjoy being by themselves. I raised my hand and some reason that surprised him. I guess people don't see me that way.

I successful got back to the house from the Madison house all by myself. Then got to Sainsbury and bought lunch. I have to say that I'm very proud of myself because I swear I thought I was going to get lost.

I have a very funny story to share with everyone. Here it goes.
Abby and I were laying around on the computers...basically what we are always doing after 7. Abby gets up to go the bathroom. Turning on the light switch and the light blows. (Light switches are on the outside of bathrooms here, weird shit I know.) After about 5 minutes of Abby turning the switch on and off and me telling her about a hundred times the bulb blew. We laughed. Well then the next day we saw a movie called El Orfanato (Same director as Pan's. It was super awesome but really creepy.) I was afraid to go to the bathroom because it was dark and after the Movie I thought Tomas was going to come kill me (You would have to see the movie to get that). I swear he was going to be in the shower with that damn key. After dancing around and Abby making me laugh really hard which didn't help the needing to go to the bathroom. I took my computer and put it in the bathroom for light. Well I forgot to turn off the music which was playing Comfortable by John Mayer. "It relaxes the bowels. Helps everything get moving." Thats basically what Abby says every time to that song. Now Abby has decided that is my bathroom song and we have made as many sexual jokes as you can (read the lyrics and you might get some it).
The End.

I Don't Care How You Do It...Just Stay.

3,000 miles away and I still can't run form the feelings in my heart. I'm trying harder and harder to suppress them in a healthy way time till I have time to fix them. But alas I fail. My mind wonders before I slip off to dreams. Sitting on the tub for long time my reflection speaks my feelings. I'm trying hard not to allow for it to get under my skin but it will take all my strength not to let that happen. I'm hoping expressing it will make it easier.

I have found one of the hardest things in life to do. Walking away from someone. What only makes it harder is when they are the ones that want you to be walking away. I never have left someone I love, no matter how much I fuck up, they fuck up or I should just leave. I won't do it. Now I stand at a cross road where you put me. You told me to go so now I'm leaving. I'm hoping you'll stick to your word that this is only temporary and you will want me back in your life in the future. I'm hoping by me leaving like you ask you realize how much I love you. And how much I'll miss you. But know I'm always near by and if I'm not I will come running back when you need me. So now I wonder off to get lost in the world.

Just promise me that one day you'll come looking for me.

Our Love Was Comfortable And So Broken In.

So upon a request I have started a new blog. :)

I'm keeping the other one which will be mostly just pictures which I feel like most people won't ever look at but thats okay. This is my mind blog. Just a place to be able to write everything out, a place to tell who I am and who I'm becoming.

I have been going through a lot again because of events that happened to me. I'm such a hypocrite when it comes to my own problems. I always tell everyone else that you cannot run from what hurts you have to face head on. Yes facing things are harder but once it's over thats it. Running can take you our whole life and you'll never truly be happy. Well thats exactly what I'm doing running and suppressing. I have found every single way to be destructive to myself. Now don't worry it's nothing like that. It's small things like telling myself bad things about myself. I'm slowly realizing I can't do this anymore or I will be the reason behind my own down fall.

This break couldn't have come sooner because I'm not sure what would have happened if I hadn't gotten away. So here I lay in a comfy bed next to Emse wasting time away the best way we know how.

While trying to write my paper for Tueting my tremors came back and kicked my ass. I have a horrible headache now. Ugh I hate those damn things. I feel like I'm about to get one again so I'm gonna try and stop it.

Peace, Love.