I haven't felt this way in such a long time. The desire to let all my guards down. I know to everyone I seem so open but I hides so many parts of me because I fear. But I really want to let them all down and be completely me in front of him. Gah. Stupid fear. If it wasn't for all those other people who have hurt me I would let go so easily but it's just not that simple. And I swear don't a single one of you say, "But everyone is different." Because I tried that so many times and the same thing happened every single time. So let me have my fear.
My biggest fear is that I'll have to feel the pain Lemon has felt. That the minute I let go and put my guards down something terrible will happen to him. It's my biggest fear in life.
I just can't clear my head.
About this and about surgery.
No comments:
Post a Comment