Wouldn't it just be easier if someone hated you? If someone didn't still take care of you when your world came crashing down? If someone would walk away from you forever? Or would it just hurt more than it's ever had?
I have no idea why everything just hit me right now but it feels like a lead train has run right into me. Either I'm spending the whole day crying or just not feeling and completely shutting down. Supposedly I'm being "sniffley" and need to just calm down. If it was only that easy. I've stopped sleeping, usually getting up around 3 or 4 and either going for a walk or doing pointless tasks. I don't eat more than maybe once a day because my body just forgets that it's hungry. I spend the whole day running and running then the minute I sit...everything falls apart.
I talked to Tony last night. I know everyone freak out, hell must have frozen over...well maybe it didn't. But we are surprisingly nice to each other, at least right now. I don't know if it helped to talk to him or not but I guess it was just nice to hear from someone who hated me for so long that I didn't deserve that I got or am getting. Kind of made me laugh, everyone else says it yet I can't believe it.
Whatever.
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