Well I just got busted for sneaking out. Honestly I should probably be more like "Oh no." or I don't know something. But I'm kind of whatever about it. Ten bucks say my mom learned I was sneaking out from reading my blog. I have had a feeling she's been reading it for awhile, which to be quite honest just pisses me off. I hate how I get no sense of privacy anymore. My parents want to be so involved in my life suddenly and I honestly can't stand it. A teenage girl needs her space. Seriously. As of right now I don't know what my punishment is but I will probably know by the morning. Eh I don't know. That's kind of how I just feel about the whole thing. Honestly it is how I have felt for the last couple of days. I have been terribly depressed for awhile but of course my parents wouldn't know that now would they. Grr. Sometimes I find parents just so frustrated.
I think I might get kind of mad if I get in major trouble since the time my brother got caught sneaking in he didn't really get much of a punishment. But then again my brother always gets away with everything. I hate it. I'll never be perfect in my parents eyes because I'm not my brother. I'm not the smartest person in my class, I cannot explain quantum physics, I don't make my whole family laugh and listen to every word I have to say. I don't spend all my time sitting at home reading up on weird things. I cannot help my mom with writing her grants. I don't know the whole dictionary by heart. I don't know how the play the game. I couldn't kill someone with one finger. I don't like meeting new people. So instead I'm the fuck up kid in the family. I'm the one cries whenever I feel even the slightest upset. I'm the one who avoids my family like the plague. I'm the one who rolls my eyes at stupid things. I'm the one who argues back. I'm the one who ends up in the hospital. My parents are always so good at making me feel like I'm just never going to be good enough. That I'm never going to be my brother.
I don't know...sometimes it really makes me hate myself.
4 comments:
I hear you about the privacy thing. I've had to struggle with my parents forever just for the littlest bit of privacy. I've had my privacy invaded by them, and I've never heard them apologize, because I'm sure they don't feel that an apology is in order. Parents can suck a lot of the time.
And you are amazing in different ways from your brother. There are a thousand things you can do that your, just like there are things your brother can do that you can't or don't want to. I just think that the types of things your brother excells at are the things that are very visible to other people, whereas the things you're good at are more personal, interrelational, and aren't so readily visible. Like, photography and dance skills don't come across in family coversation and how good of a friend you are--how caring you are--isn't going to be so visible until someone spends more time with you one on one. Just remember that your brother's talents are flauntable and yours are more privatized. And whoever can't see that isn't looking hard enough.
P.S. sorry this comment is so ridiculously long.
you want privacy and yet you post every detail of your personal life on your blog. think about that one.
an alternative to the privacy thing is making the blog private, but i have no idea if you want to do that or not.
if you do, i'd still like to be able to read, if that's ok, i mean.
I thought about that Jess but I haven't decided. No worries if I do you definitely will be able to read it.
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