November 3, 2007.

It's been actually one year and how much I have grown within that year. I'm finally happy with myself, I don't hate my body, mind or spirit. I learned that people can love me if I let them. I have learned to protect myself from others hurtful words and stares. I have also found the true people in life and the fake.

Most of all I figured out why I did what I did. After Saturday night being so completely perfect with Seth laying under the stars, I began to think. Last night when I saw him I wrapped my arms so tight around him and refused to let him go as I cried about my reason, so here it is.

Last year I tried to prove someone wrong. With that person always telling me I wouldn't do something or I wasn't good enough I thought I give them one big smack in the face, so I hurt myself. I know it's stupid. I tried to end my life for someone who didn't love when if I had succeed I wouldn't have spent Saturday night in the arms of someone who does love me.

Here's to what I could have missed:
-My 17th birthday
-Del's 18th birthday
-The whole summer of '08
-Sunbathing with Max all the time
-Being a shoulder for all my friends
-Driving Del home that night
-Getting my nose pierced in London
-The adventure of spring break
-My brother getting accepted to Kobe University
-The Musketeers being reunited
-Max getting a new car
-Del breaking his car...a million times
-Driving Del's car
-Doing shots with Kana for her first time
-The day I got over N.I.B and wished him the best in life
-All the nights I snuck out
-Finding myself, finding happiness within myself
-Del telling me he would always support and care for me
-Growing up
-My niece's first birthday
-My niece learning how to say Aunt Tory
-Taking my niece to her first fair, and giving her ice cream
-Getting my driver's license
-Getting my beautiful car
-Using my scars to help others
-All the nights spent with my co-workers
-Finally learning to dance with my heart
-All the inside jokes
-Being a Senior

Most of all, I would have missed finding my prince charming. I might have had to walk through hell and back but he is worth every step I ever took.

So this is to you N.I.B, I proved you wrong. I've done everything you always told me I couldn't and have become good at everything you said I wasn't. I stuck around and fought through every single minute that this world and you put me through. I have taking care of those who couldn't take care of themselves or even you who refused to let anyone take care of them. I should have done all of that the first time but I don't regret anything. Because thanks to every cut I made, to every pill I took, to every time I drank too much, to every time I smoked till my lungs hurt, to every day I wished I had succeeded, I now walk with my head higher than anyone else and have a smile that speaks straight from my heart. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Over 25 scars will forever be visible for the world.
I drew a heart on every single one.