This might be an obnoxious post for some of you to read so I apologize but I just realized that I finally got a boy that treats me the way I'm supposed to be treated.
After I had a really long talk with Max about how it's just hard for me to completely let Seth in because of the way I have been treated. But I knew the response I would get it I told him that I felt like I was being used, it would be the typical "No of course not. I love you...blah blah blah." So Max suggested that I tell him that he had to show it instead of saying it. I still left like I just didn't want to bring it up because I hate talking about issues I have in the past. It's even worse now that Seth and I have started sleeping together. I mean how would your trust issues be if you lost your virginity last Christmas to a boy that just kept saying how much he still loved you and wanted to be with you again one day then about 4 weeks later he sleeps with you then right afterwards says, "Hey I'm gonna ask this girl out." Then he ignores you for the rest of the year, though he promised to stay friends, or blames everything on you and makes you hate being happy.
So this is how the explanation when,
"So I don't want you to think this is how I feel completely but because of my past it's hard not to. I just can't let you completely in because I feel like I'm going to end up being used again."
"I promise...."
"Don't say it because I was lied to a lot last year by the exact same words you are about to say. I know this sounds stupid but I need you to show me that you want me, that this all isn't just a lie."
"Then I guess I'll just have to work a little harder on showing you."
And he already is. On Thursday I had to pick him up from football practice and I wasn't feeling well. When we got to his house he demanded that I come in and lay down for a little bit and I wasn't in the mood to argue. I passed out on the couch for awhile, because he was playing with my hair which he knows will put me right to sleep. I had to get up to go to dance class and jokingly told him that he needed to carry me to my car. Okay so when you ask for someone to carry you, you think pig back ride, right? Well nope. He straight up sweeps me up into his arms and carried all the way to my car.
Last night I stood outside of my car waiting for him to finished getting changed after the game. I wasn't feeling so hot because of having a long stressful day. I was paying much attention since I didn't know Seth running at me which ended with him picking me up and swinging me around. I was a little scared but then happy but his hello was even better, "Did you know that I have the most amazing and beautiful girlfriend in the world?" I just smiled so big.
Maybe for once I'm not getting used for my body, or my love, or my feelings. Maybe for once I found a boy that really does just love me more than I understand. Maybe I have finally found someone who will take care of me and love me unconditional without questioning a single thing.
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