Ever wanted to cry just because? Or spend days where all these little things made you get all choked up? But you just can't cry. It's been a long time since I thought about him but some reason today I woke up with him on my mind. It hurt. Because I realized that nothing can change how much he hate me. Nothing can change how evil he thinks I am. Nothing can make him see the faults. Nothing will bring him back. And for some reason on this day that numbness I keep to protect me from him fell apart. I just want to cry it out. I just...I want it to go away.
I have protection from sad thoughts. From old memories of pain. I close my eyes tight and think of Del's smile. How his hand feels in mine. The way he pulls me close when I sniffle. The sound of this voice when he reminds me I'm worth so much.
Now I'm crying happy tears...
I'm so happy I have Del.
Memory of the past:
Do you remember this time last year when your mom wouldn't let you leave the house. So I walked all the way from downtown with a cinnamon scone because you were having a bad day.
I wish you would still let me be that person.
I know you don't care but I still miss you sometimes. But I know I'm just not fast enough to catch you or strong enough to bring you back. And that's what hurts the most.
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