He was upset but would never admit it. We laid together separated by a pillow. I couldn't stand the distance between us. Moving closer, lifting my head and placing it on his back. It was so warm and comforting. I closed my eyes and listened to him breathe. I felt like I could breathe. Looking at the clock I couldn't believe I was so awake at such an hour.
Curled on the couch he noticed I was cold. Without a word he gets up and disappears only to return with a blanket. Not just throwing it but laying it over top of me. I felt as though I was a small child being taken care of. I forgot how amazing that feels.
Calling his name only to get no response. He looked so peaceful sleeping I didn't want to touch him or make a breathe that would disturb him. So I joined him. Ever so slowly laying in to him, his eyes opened only to smile and then shut. Again I breathed.
I thought of slipping out and enjoying a summer night walk home but hesitated. I knew it would upset him more and create a worry in him that was there after November. That continues to come back to him though he won't speak it, his eyes show it. Grumbling we argue about him driving me home until I give in because I know there is no hope.
"Text me when you get in and are safe."
"I'll be fine."
"Just text me."
"I'm in fine. Thanks for the ride. Next time I'll just stay."
"Haha. Sounds good. Night."
I wish I couldn't have just stayed with him on the couch but I'll still fall asleep feeling safe.
I forgot how amazing it feels.
"You need to stop talking to him."
"...I know."
"It will be better for you."
There he goes worrying about me. But even as a fuck up he still holds me hand every time I mess up.
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