She's Dying Just To Keep Me Cold And I'm Finally Numb.

One of the most stressful weeks of my life.

Tech and dress rehearsal ran extremely well thanks to my amazing setting up/making announcements skills. Though Chris and Andrew had fun picking on me. I swear I'm still seeing spots from that damn light. At the end of dress I started to feel extremely wiped then I looked up at the light box and there is Andrew holding a big sign saying Tory. I laughed, thinking it was them trying to get my attention I ran up to the box. Turns out they had made a sign as in "whoo. yay. go tory." kinda way. Haha. It made my night...and I totally took the sign with me.

Courtney continues to thank us for all the work we put into this week and also said that this was one of the smoothest concert weeks we ever had. Yay us!

Today was a little harder. Everyone was extremely stressed but I noticed Max was off, more so than just stressed. Courtney took us all out for ice cream and I worked my magic on getting Max to start smiling again. Melissa helped a lot and that fact that my ex, Daniel, showed up. I almost ran away because I just didn't know what else to do but I couldn't because Melissa was hilarious. "He left you for that?" "What a douche bag...shiiit." Though I still think Courtney's responses were the best, "He's...kinda small."

Something was still bugging Max so I was set on a mission, make her smile even if just for a little. I took her out for dinner and then a movie, yeah I make a pretty great boyfriend. By the end she was laughing and smiling the way she always does. Once again Super Tory has saved the day.

Now I just feel off. To help Max I had to speak of things I don't enjoy and pretend I was fine with them. I had to push my emotions away and solely show happiness and energy. I don't mind doing that especially for her but I forgot how hard it really is.

I can't sleep now because my mind is racing. I can't sit on the roof because we are getting it fixed. I can't move because my whole body is sore. So my only opinion is to lay in bed and think...


...I need Del.