Without you even around you still manage to effect me and I don't think it will ever change. I wonder why I even say things on here because I know you don't read them and even if you did you wouldn't care about them...well not enough.
I finally found the person who I want to be. After all the changes and struggles that we go through in high school I found her. I was so proud of myself but now she already seems like she isn't good enough. I wish you could see and you would be proud of me but wishing for things that will never come are useless aren't they. I'm already running in circles searching for Max and Del's open arms. So I can bury my face into their shoulder and cry every last thing out. Maybe that's all I need, maybe the old me just hasn't let it all go because of how things end, though I don't want to call it ending....please don't let it be.
Looking back my old mistakes and shame still show through. Running my hand across my arm I pray that one day it will go away. I'm afraid it will always be burned into my heart and I wish I could just forget it. Now they show brighter than before I wonder why. Is it anything struggle I must over come? Or is it my own shame that I must accept?
There you sat silently, barely a whisper came from you. I know you better than that. My heart began crying out, I raced up to that wall you've built and began beating my hands against it. Blood falling out of the tiny cracks but I continued to fight against that wall. But it doesn't matter how much I want it to be gone it's always going to be there. Promise me one day that wall will begin to get smaller because I don't know how long my hands can bare trying to break through. I'll scream it out to everyone in the world it I have to...I miss you.
Why should I worry I know somebody will fix it for you but it will never be me. As someone else gives you that advice and wipes those tears your memories of me will fade deeper into the back of your mind till soon you can't even remember memories from lies.
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