What If Our Love Never Went Away?

I haven't cried that long in such a long time. I let every little wall down, let every emotion, fear, past, everything just take over me. I haven't done that since November and I feared what would happen but I refused to face it alone. I called many friends who all caught me so careful and place me on a soft place to lay down. I still cried to sleep for another night. My pillow is still wet and my eyes still show everything that is my pain.

I woke up at 3 last night and didn't fight it. Instead of got up and excepting being awake. I stripped myself down and took a good look at myself. There I stood with all my scars, emotionally and physically. I'm ashamed of the ones that can be seen. My hip hides Novembers pain and slowly those scars are fading but I still can see them, I can still feel the pain from them. So thats where a heart will be place, where a daisy will grow from it, and where a necklace will hang down. I couldn't be happier with where I'm going to put my tattoo. To cover pain with love.

I still need to hear that you forgive me because I can't stand myself with what I did to you. You have a past with it and there I was to take my love out of your life, to take myself away from you...forever. How dare I. I'm not sure you're forgiveness will ever let me forgive myself but I wish it could help. forgive me Del.

And you pretend it didn't happen. I look at the conversation we had before I feel asleep. Before I might never have woken up. I yelled at you...what if that was the last thing I had said. What if I never got to say I love you again. What if I never got to say I'm sorry. I can't forgive myself for that either. forgive me Artemis.


So here I start from square one. Here I must begin again.
"Remember how strong you are being because you truly are."

5 months.
25 days.
1 month & 13 days.
yesterday.