Loosing Her Grace, Starts To Cry, I Feel Her Pain When I Look In Her Eyes.

Speeding through thoughts. Racing into memories. I spilled my whole heart to her. I haven't done that since past year. I was still afraid that I wouldn't be caught, that it would be thrown back in my face. She didn't. All the right words, all the right smiles.
"My eyes were red, I couldn't catch my breath. I told him what happened. He got completely quiet and gripped the wheel and started racing. I was afraid he was gonna punch someone."
"Thats how he is when he is really upset, he was really mad that you got hurt."
I finally know no matter how far we grow apart, how little I see him or speak to him. He will never love someone the way he loves me. And that makes me feel like I'm walking on air and that I'm so freaking blessed.
"I'm just afraid to feel the emptiness when all of you guys were gone."
"I don't know about them. But I could never live without you again."
I truly think that is true. Her and I have fought hell time and time again. And I know nothing can ever tear us apart again.

I made myself sick worrying today. I hugged her and she started crying. I hate when I can't fix things but I don't mind so much when I can help it. But I can't help you and seeing you today made every little piece of me break. How do you sit there when all you want to do is wrap them in your arms and whisper all the right things. It eats every single thing inside of you. And this is the hell I'm always going to have to live.24 days, yes I'm counting. I miss you.

I'm ashamed of myself. I have put too much time into myself. I won't do that anymore. People need me. They need my strength, my smile, my arms. My demons are just going to have to wait because the love in my heart can't bare having me sit around anymore. Del, I need you to fight with me.